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EXHIBIT A · MAD LAD #9167
Mad LAD #9167

FILE 09167

LAB REPORT
SPECIMEN
ANDROID LAD
CLASSIFICATION
THE GHOST IN THE MACHINE
TEMPERAMENT
UNREADABLE
CONTAINMENT
ADVISED

CHROME CIRCUIT WAS HERE FIRST.

“MACHINE MENACE.”

All he ever wanted was to be the one deciding what he is for. Sealevel had other plans.

THE BROOMHANDLE HAS BEEN IN EVERY ROOM HE HAS WALKED INTO.

NOT ONCE HAS ANYONE SEEN IT USED.

OBSERVATION

He processes insults silently and files them for later. Known locally for running calculations on people they would prefer not to see.

SPECIMEN DETAIL

Detail of Mad LAD #9167

The Broomhandle.

Seen everywhere. Used nowhere, as far as anyone can prove.

HISTORY

He came off a Foundry line with one manufacturing defect — curiosity — and walked straight into the Foundry, where the furnaces hum in a language only some can read.

EVIDENCE

SEALED EVIDENCE · DO NOT OPEN

OBJECT INVENTORY

OBJECT
BROOMHANDLE
CARRIED
DAILY
USES ON RECORD
0

ANOMALY

On his first night in , someone pulled a knife on him in an alley. He did not reach for the Broomhandle. He talked, quietly, for a long time, and the stranger went home.

CONCLUSION

He is updating. He has been updating for some time. Nobody wants to interrupt. Further observation recommended.

ACCESS TO THIS OBSERVATION IS RESTRICTED.

RESTRICTED MATERIAL · SEALED BY THE LABFILE 09167 · RM-01

WHAT THE BROOMHANDLE IS LOADED WITH.

USES ON RECORD0

PULL THE SEAL ALONG THE TAPE — OR BREAK IT.
PERSONAL ACCESS · CHANGES NOTHING IN THE ARCHIVE

CONCLUSION WITHDRAWN

Withdrawn. The observer refused to sign off the uses on record entry and would not say why.

END OF FILE

ARCHIVE RECORD CLOSED

FILE 09167 · OPENED BY THE COMMUNITY · 7 OCT 2026

Fiction from the Lab's archive, written from these traits. Not Mad Lads canon. Not on-chain history.